Insomnia and Chronic Illness: Out of Time

Since childhood I've hated the mornings, the brisk air and the groggy annoyance of needing to get up. The fact that when I got up, that meant I had to go to school (and as someone without many friends and a strong history of being bullied early in school, that's really not exciting).

Nights were where I found my solace. I talked to exactly who I wanted to online, finding peace and comfort in getting to choose what happened and what I did. My best thinking got done then, many long nights of procrastination yielded high marks thanks to the moon making a perfect companion.

But lately... lately I've been slowly hating the night.

As my conditions progressed, the night has no longer become the safe and warm place it once was. I've lost control of the situation. Instead of happily staying up until 2, I find myself in the clutches of insomnia. Unable to sleep for 2..3...5 hours at a time.

The worse nights, I'm the play-toy of my conditions. Like a ball between a kittens claws and teeth, the pain leaves me tossing and turning, sometimes only mentally when I don't have the energy to physically try to find relief.

Toss.

Turn.

Bathe the pillows in lavender and the joints in a cocktail of essential oils to dull the pain.

Finally fall asleep.

Wake again in 3 hours because my body is so accustomed to only stealing  naps that I can't recall the last time I had a full sleep cycle at the right time.

Repeat.

I'm running out of times that I enjoy. Times I want to spend awake and look forward to. I'm working on readjusting my sleep schedule starting tonight, please pray for some success. I've yet to sleep and church is in a couple hours now.